I've been spending some time analyzing my position within the Heirarchy of Human Needs, which if you aren't familiar is like a food pyramid for the self-absorbed. While wikipedia does a good job of introducing it, the concept and I formally met over on this bathroom etiquette video. Bathroom etiquette has become a graveyard for some recent comedy material, specifically if I focus on the major difference between women's v. men's. I won't be that female comic complaining about toilet seats being left up. I much prefer dick jokes, to my parent's dismay. Huge, throbbing dick jokes, if you will. I know, not funny--but I done stole that so it doesn't count against me.
Other time today has been spent geo-writing obscene messages and e-mailing them to both friends and enemies alike. Same difference, really. I've been distracted from work, you see, because today we've had another "Eat Day." I brought in organic chocolate meringues, which are my favorite treats. The only reason that they're organic is because a Trader Joe's opened up in town and I've become quite good at spending hours deciding what to buy with twenty bucks. Anyway, I'm sure you'd hate them. Never try them.
As a personal update, last Wednesday there was a contest that I organized, and, hence, I'm advancing to the Finals. Ignore that hence in there. That's my self-effacing attempt at being modest. I'm really not modest, but I do require quite a bit of external validation so it balances out. There were twenty-ish comedians and I placed in the top 8 somewhere. That night, while explaining the rules and judging packets, I emphasized to the panel of 11 that whatever they wrote on their individual judge's folder to take notes about the specific comic would not be shared with anyone. In fact, I may have even said that I was going to burn the packets. However, some amount of Balvenie scotch later, I turned myself into a liar. Poor judge number six. I chose one folder to look at, and it was his. Reading his critiques, I'm hoping that he was the curmudgeonly British one out of all of them. Here's what he had to say about my set:
panders for jokes
treats audience stupid
should go home and make babies
By far, the best feedback I've ever received. This is not going to turn into a defense against this man's words, even if it kills me. I will say this, though. Thank you, Number 6. Judge #6 obviously had enough sense about him to at least appreciate my beauty and encourage me to share my good-looks the best way I can, through my gene pool.
15 comments:
If you would have looked at mine, you'd see something that said "Good stage presense," or "Dark material," followed by a series of tally marks determining how many things I found amusing.
My system was foolproof.
I'll remember this come December, so I'll make sure to write nothing but fake comments in the folder to throw you off:
"Confusing jokes about cats."
"Had severe speech impediment."
"Monkey knife fight."
I totally, totally did NOT look at your folder. I swear. I'll never do it. Your system is excellent. Judge number 6 also noted about KeaLynn "would make a good teen porn star" and about Fletch "naughty--daddy likey." He also used the insult "(fill-in-the-blank) called; he wants his look back." That is so incredibly tired, and if I think about it further, I might have to critique #6 myself with some cutting and irrelevant comments loosely based on my initial impression of him.
New rule: No more audience judges. The general public is not to be trusted with something as important and intricate as a joke.
Newer rule: You probably shouldn't have looked at the folders, but you already knew that.
I'm only one man! I can't single-handedly make certain that only the funniest move on and the weakest get their dreams crushed early. Quite frankly, I think that out of the 20+ comics that were performing, I think that only 2 or maybe 3 of them deserve to win this thing. Luckily for me, these folks are all still in the running.
"Daddy likey?" Jesus Christ.
The audience judging thing is a draw to pull in more people. The idea is that the contestants will invite all of their friends/family so that their chances of having them on the panel increase, and therefore increasing his/her chance's of winning.
Maybe the ratio's off, though. Good point. More celebrity judges like the cdp are needed. Preferrably, they need to be people that perhaps I don't know.
Any suggestions, audience?
Nick could be a judge, if he wants to. It seems like he knows all of the finalists to the point where he would be objective. Or not.
Here's my official suggestion. The first thing I thought when the show was over was, "We needed more female judges."
You wouldn't have seen any Judge #6-style comments on a woman's sheet. You should keep with the audience/celebrity judge mix, but see to it that the man/woman ratio is near-even.
There was a female comic that night that didn't make the Top 8, although I thought she was a genuinely good comedian. Her act appealed more to a female audience, and she got scores of laughs from the crowd. I thought she was a shoe-in.
In fact, I was so shocked when she didn't make it, that when the show was over, I went over to her and literally apologized for her not being a finalist. It made no sense to me, until I remembered that she was being judged by a table full of men who were too busy fantisizing about her to actually listen.
I'm not saying that the women were misrepresented; in fact, the man-to-woman finalist ratio was crazy considering the amount of male comics there were. You all deserved it, though. As a whole, the women outperformed the men that night. It just seems more accurate if you have a good blend of chicks and dudes.
Just my two cents. Take from it what you will.
Well said. Good feedback. I could tell you why Tulin didn't make it, but this is a semi-public forum, and I'd hate to contradict rules/methods that I created so openly. It has to do with the fact that the third round had three no-shows. A couple from the third round were then able to receive better scores because of a fewer amount of competitors. She should have been bumped to the third round to even out the contest, and she would have definitely made it that way. It was a mistake in judgement not to do so, but at that point in the night I was trying to be as laissez-faire about how things panned out at possible. I was also still hoping at the time that she went up that the stranglers would arrive. They didn't, the third round's quality lessened, and she got dicked over. I totally agree. This is the second year that I've coordinated that contest, and I keep find ways to make it better. Obviously, here's another example.
I forgot about all the Heat 3 no-shows. Yeah, that played a big part in the overall outcome; I was thinking about that after the show.
Again, I'm not bashing on any comics, but clearly the path was easier for some than for others. It's so hard to take 20 acts and find a way to judge them fairly, however. I think you did an amazing job with it, and it's only going to get better.
Think about it this way. These are the sorts of problems you want to have. If there were too few comics and audience members, you'd have a whole different set of issues on your hands.
Perhaps a judging formula could be brought into play, eliminating the need for separate heats. After each comic performs, they are individually graded by the judges on some sort of 10 or 100 point scale, instead of comparing them with everyone else. That way, they're each judged based on their own merits. Obviously, these are just suggestions; most people will tell you not to change a thing, it's fair the way it is.
Tulin, that was her name. Thanks.
I'll judge. Feed me a straight line of Absolut cran and promise me a chance to get laid, I'll do anything.
I want to judge!
Whoever thought Kendra wouldn't look at those packets is a complete fool and does not deserve to be a judge.
There's no way I would ever ask you to judge. Don't worry.
I knew she was going to look at the folders once she started getting into how nobody was going to be looking at the folders.
Power was meant to be abused; I would have done the exact same thing.
I think you are both confusing me with someone else, someone definitely less evolved.
Perhaps.
Completely unrelated to this particular post, but thanks for pointing me in the right direction for the rider post of mine.
nhzdkI had forgotten where it came from, since I only periodically stumble across it, from CDP's to yours, on to hers. I've updated my post to reflect it. Don't be a stranger!
Ryan, why are you pretending that wasn't your folder??? haha.
I finally remembered the significance of your post title. It only took me 2 weeks to relize that it was a Bill Hicks quote.
I'm pretty quick sometimes.
"They stared at me like a dog that's just been shown a card-trick."
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